Love Across Miles: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships (LDRs) can invoke a whirlwind of emotions. Today, many couples find themselves separated by miles due to work, education, or even family obligations. While distance might challenge a relationship, it can also enhance connections in ways one might never have imagined. In this post, we’ll sift through the pros and cons of long distance relationships to help you understand whether love can truly conquer all. I am currently in my second long distance relationship and let me tell you, it is hard! BUT going from one terrible relationship to an amazing one, i think i finally have put together my take on navigating a long distance relationship with a loved one.

I often get asked from people all around me 'how an earth can you do a long distance relationship, i could never', and honestly i used to think the same. In my previous relatinship, i used to fial to understand how anyone could ever do this, as it seemed impossible... it turned out it was the personi was doing it with, not the long distance itself. so step one: is to definitely find someone worth doing long distance with, who makes the best of the situation and who actually wants to be with you through the highs and the lows.... because trust me, it may sound obvious to some, but it wasnt to me! Now days, in my new relationship i am a lot more open with what i want and expect, and am always prepared to communicate issues properly, and come to suitable compromises that suit us both. Here are some of my pros and cons i have found with being in a long distance relationship and how i overcome them.

Understanding Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships aren’t a new phenomenon. With the advancements in technology, it's become easier than ever to maintain a relationship across miles. But as convenient as communicating over text and video may be, it's not without its complexities.

The nature of LDRs often calls for a foundation built on trust, commitment, and personal growth. As romantic as it sounds, many who venture into these relationships soon realize that love alone isn’t enough.

The Pros of Long Distance Relationships

1. Enhanced Communication Skills

In long distance relationships, communication becomes the lifeline. Without the convenience of physical interactions, couples often rely heavily on phone calls, texts, and video chats. This can lead to improved communication skills as partners learn to express their feelings and needs more openly. It also shows from an early stage the level of effort a person is willing to put into you and your relationship when times get hard. Working long hours every day will have its toll on anyone, but putting in that time to speak through the day, fill eachother in at the end of the day and keep the other person feeling valued, communicated with and loved, is an crucial part of communication.

Enhanced communication can lead to deeper emotional intimacy, ensuring that partners connect on more profound levels even from afar. When conversations become intentional, couples often discover new ways to understand and relate to one another, which can be incredibly fulfilling.

I am someone that needs that extra bit of communication in order to feel secure. if my s/o is unable to talk to me due to a high work load, i simply like to be told this so my mind is not made to overthink and assume the worst. I communicated this early on into our relationship, and it is now a foundation for our communication needs between each other.

2. Independence and Personal Growth

Being in an LDR can provide immense opportunities for independence. Without the constant presence of a significant other, individuals can focus on their personal goals, hobbies, and interests. This independence allows for personal growth, which can be beneficial not only for the individual but also for the relationship as a whole.

As partners grow separately, they can bring new experiences and perspectives back into the relationship. This can lead to exciting conversations and enhanced compatibility, as each partner discovers more about themselves.

Personally, i like to give myself a timeline / deadline of when my next trip is coming, to have some form of self improvement. for example, i have been back in the UK for the last 3 months, which initially stressed me out as my relationship was only 2 months old when we started this. BUT it was crucial for me and the longevity of our relationship. I set myself some personal goals... money saving, health, both phsycial and mental, and promised myself i will work on myself 100% for the next 3 months. This is not only something that i will have with me no matter what the ultimate outcome of my relationship is, but it was also help me to feel better about myself and my opportunities and therefore reflect into my relationship.

3. Strengthened Connection

Surprisingly, being apart can actually strengthen a relationship. The longing and anticipation of seeing each other again can intensify feelings of love and desire. The occasional visits can become cherished memories, creating a sense of novelty that longstanding couples often seek.

These experiences can foster a unique bond; the effort it takes to maintain a long distance relationship can reveal just how much partners truly value each other. Plus, knowing one’s partner is willing to put in the effort to make things work can reinforce commitment.

Its no secret that me and my boyfriend moved pretty fast in the beginning of our relationship, but when it feels right, why should it be anything else. On my first trip to visit, we went on our first date, and spent 3 of my 5 days together. On my second visit only a few weeks later, he had moved all his stuff into my apartment, and we were practically living together like a real couple! We both went about our days as normal, with work, travel, etc, then would come back to the apartment, go on dates, or simply cook dinner and watch a movie if we were tired. This is still something that in our longest time apart yet, we refer back to and cherish the memories we made, and look forward to making many more.

I recently read somewhere that in order to keep a long distance relationship interesting and prevent you from losing hope, you shouldnt just be texting eachother that you miss eachother all the time. You should be reminicisng on old memories you made, funny moments you shared, and making plans for the next visit. This keeps the desire for seeing each other and keeps boredom at bay... because ultimately most relationship end due to being bored!!!

I am someone who has previously struggled with intimacy and sharing my feelings, and this mixed with my need to overthink is not a good combination. With nothing but communication over the phone, i have truly opened up in my ability to share my feelings and appreciation for my s/o, and this also helps massively to keep the relationship alive.

4. Flexibility and Novelty

Another significant perk of LDRs is the element of flexibility and excitement they can bring. Couples often get the chance to explore new places during visits, plan trips, or even explore each other’s cities. Visiting each other gives partners something to look forward to, making the relationship dynamic and lively.

The novelty of a long distance setup can break the routine that often sets in with conventional relationships. Each meeting can feel like a mini-vacation, providing couples with new experiences and stories to share.

Despite my boyfriend living in Greece, a place i grew up visiting every single year, he is origianlly from Albania and i am from the UK. Neither of us have been to eachother home country, and so this makes for a couple exciting trips coming up in the future. It is also super fun to travel to a new place together as often long distance relatinships come with a lot of solo travel, either uncontrollable excitement travelling to the other persons home town, or the unbareable travel day back home! Going somewhere new and exciting together, means you can fully emmerse yourself in a fun travel day and both get to be tourists in a new place!

5. Cultivation of Trust

Trust becomes an essential building block in long distance relationships. Being away from one another means partners have to rely heavily on each other's words and commitments. This situation forces couples to work on trust issues and, in many cases, cultivates stronger bonds.

In a world where trust is sometimes taken for granted, long-distance dynamics can instill a solid foundation for future relationship success. It’s a reminder that love does require faith and assurance.

I have major issues with trust, and this is something i communicated with my s/o before he ever even took me on our first date! Fortunately, i feel i am truly in a relationship with someone who actually wants to be with me... it sounds crazy but trust me, after feeling the opposite for so long, it is defintely something you take for granted. it is important to be with someone who naturally reassures you and therefore restores any trust you may be overthinking yourway out. I have to emphasise on the 'naturally' reassuring you. As if you are someone who has to ask for ressurance a lot of the time, this may become a burden for your partner and they may not appreciate it. I honestly also feel you will never be fully satisfied if you have had to ask for it. there is nothing that heals my head more than a simple 'i miss you' text and photo of him at work that i didnt have to ask for. Little things like this has built my trust up more than ever, and for the first time in years, i can finally enjoy my relationship without having to worry about having my heart broken.

The Cons of Long Distance Relationships

1. Emotional Strain

While communication can be a strength, it can also pose emotional challenges. The lack of physical presence can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Partners might long for intimacy that cannot be fulfilled through a screen. It is important to understand that when a problem arrises, it is you and them verses the problem, not you verses them! keeping this in mind should help to prevent any silly bickering.

This emotional strain can sometimes result in misunderstandings or feelings of neglect, which can put pressure on the relationship. It's essential to address these feelings before they escalate and compromise the bond. It is important to ensure that your communication, no matter how big or small is fully understood on both parts, and if not, it is then worked on until it is. for example, very rarely, me and my boyfriend have occassional mis-understandings simply due to the language barrier. It can become frustrating if we dont understand and feel like we are not compatible. but instead of allowing this feeling to fester, i instead have a video call, or send pictures, or wait to explain in person, so it is easier for us both.

2. Financial Burden

Traveling to see each other can be costly. Depending on the distance, couples may find themselves spending a significant portion of their earnings on flights, gas, and accommodations. These financial burdens can add stress, leading to tensions if they aren't managed wisely.

Additionally, the need for frequent communication can lead to unexpected costs, such as phone bills or internet expenses, further straining finances.

It is important to ensure that both your travels are as equal as possible. The responsbility shouldnt be purely on just one person to travel back and forth and this can become extremely expensive. I found myself in this situation in my previous relationship which ended 7 months ago and i am still paying off my credit card i used to fund my travel! Pick up some remote work, collect avios/amex points, and keep funds off credit cards/loans in order to keep expenses as cheap as possible.

3. Miscommunication and Conflicts

In any relationship, miscommunication can be detrimental, but in LDRs, it can lead to more severe repercussions due to the lack of non-verbal cues. Texts can often be misconstrued, and the absence of physical presence can lead to heightened emotions. I am often very sarcastic with some of my replies so i make sure to use emoji's so my boyfriend can fully understand the way in which i am saying something.

When partners can’t resolve disputes in person, issues might linger longer, creating stress and anxiety. Over time, this can result in unresolved conflict that weakens the relationship.

4. Difficulty in Building Intimacy

Physical intimacy is often limited in long distance relationships. Partners may struggle with a lack of physical affection, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or frustration.

The yearning for closeness can amplify emotional triggers; it’s essential for couples to actively seek ways to foster emotional intimacy, even when they can’t enjoy physical closeness. This could include regular video chats or scheduling date nights over video calls to nurture the emotional bond.

It is important to note that if a person truly loves you they will wait for you and wont be seeking anything from anyone else. however, that doesnt mean they wont struggle with the lack of physical intimacy. In order to over come this, dont be afraid to keep some conversations fun and flirty, even possibly sending some sexy snaps if you feel comfortable enough, and talking about all the things you are excited to do when you next see eachother! As long as you are only turning to eachother for your acts of phsycial intimacy, it shouldnt matter as much as how you get that when navigating long distance.

5. Uncertainty and Insecurity

The distance can provoke feelings of uncertainty and insecurity. Partners may question each other’s commitment and curiosity about what their partner is doing while apart. This can lead to feelings of jealousy or fear of infidelity.

To mitigate these concerns, it’s crucial to establish boundaries and reassure one another regularly. Honest conversations about fears and insecurities can help in alleviating tension. Take it from me, if you find yourself over thinking or think tyou have found a potential problem in the relationship, speak up about it. I have overthought in a situation many times,told my friends and laughed when they all told me to 'just tell him'. turns out when you are dating a mature man and you bring up things that bothers you, he actually understands that and changes it for you... who knew?!!!

Maintaining Love Across the Miles

1. Be intentional About Communication

With the void of physical interactions, it’s essential to be intentional in how you communicate with your partner. Schedule regular video calls and make it a point to catch up about each other’s lives. If you cant speak for a few hours, communicate why. Prioritise some time each day to fully emmerse yourself in a conversation, either on a phone/video call or over text message when you are both on the chat speaking continuously.

2. Plan Visits Together

Make time to visit each other whenever possible. Planning visits can give you both something to look forward to, building excitement and anticipation in the relationship. Despite us both knowing that this 3 month gap was going to be long and tough, we knew it had an end date and that was super important to remember, especially when it felt like we hadnt been together in forever and still had forever to go.

3. Utilize Technology Wisely

Take advantage of technology. Use apps to share moments of your day with each other, and engage in interactive activities like watching movies together virtually. Building shared experiences can help bridge the gap created by distance.

4. Stay Honest About Feelings

Be open about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Regularly check in with each other to see how both partners are doing emotionally.

5. Keep the Romance Alive

Surprising your partner with little gifts or romantic gestures can show that you’re thinking about them. Written letters or care packages can also help maintain the romance, serving as a tangible reminder of your affection.

Conclusion

Long distance relationships certainly come with their challenges, from emotional strains to financial hurdles. However, they also offer unique opportunities for growth and deeper connections. With commitment, communication, and creativity, couples can navigate the ups and downs of love across miles.

Ultimately, long distance doesn't have to spell doom for a relationship. Whether they thrive or falter often depends on the partners involved and the strength of their bond. Remember, love knows no bounds—sometimes, it just requires a little extra effort to connect.

Embrace the chaos, cherish the moments, and most importantly, keep love alive, no matter the distance.

See you soon,

Georgia xxx